Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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