Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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