So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
