i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
