Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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