She said her name was "party"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
