She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
