I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
