Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
