I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
