I think im going to throw up on grandma
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
