I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i've created a new STD.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
