true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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