So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
