Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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