I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
