My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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