I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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