it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
