I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
