It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
