I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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