Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
