I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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