he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
