Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
