My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
