At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
