I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
