I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
