The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
