Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
