i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is my gift to your gina
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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