this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
