can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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