I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize