Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
