There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
