Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
