My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
