so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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