I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
