and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
