Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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