I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
