Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
