I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So here I am, sexting at work.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
