96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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