I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
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No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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