wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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