The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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