woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
