and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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