I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
