cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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