his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There r osticjed everywhere
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
