He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
