Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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