At least make sure they are 18
Why
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
