i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
