grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
