My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
