Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
