mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You can't just leave with hair like that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
