dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
