I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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