How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
