I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
