don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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