Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
