trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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