It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
youre lurking in front of me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
