Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
its liver damage thursday
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