if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
